no one will answer your prayers, 'til you take off that dress

I did my photography exam a couple of days ago. I think it went alright.

I can't be bothered to upload more than one photo so here's your lot.

Panophobia- fear of everything

I hate it when this happens. I feel shaky thinking about it. It will be fine, it will be fine. Nothing is wrong, don't worry, you're making a fuss of nothing. But what if I'm not?

I can't help worrying. I can't help crying.

I'm grateful to him though for cheering me up with pictures of all the animals I have a strange attachments to. Giraffes with their children, bears teaching each other kung fu, miniature tortoises, a duck and a pig in wellies, a hippo and a tortoise in love (I'm not joking). He really is lovely to me. And it was the comfiest thing ever lying with him today. All I want to do is sneak off to his and crawl into his bed and sleep next to him for days at a time. I'm so worn out. I need a break badly. Just a few days to do nothing.

I've put on weight and it's depressing me. A little round my tummy and everytime I sit down I wrap my arms around myself so no one will see my fucking stomach. Activia adverts with the woman with the incredibly flat stomach makes me physically give out a little whine everytime I see it. I didn't like my stomach enough as it was, and now I hate looking at myself. My face is awful at the moment too, spotty with huge pores and flushed from the heat. I want to take a big black Sharpie and scribbled all over my face, or a massive rubber and just rub myself out.

I have to go running tomorrow (today? Fuck, I only just realised it's like half twelve at night...) because of it. With him. Blah. Not cool. I run like a freak, get tired out easily and will be all gross and sweaty and and just... blaaah. And it means I have to get up fucking early cause my dad won't give me a lift as he considers ten o'clock in the morning too early. So I have to get up at like half seven to drag myself out of bed, have a shower, dry my hair, choose clothes and sort everything, then take an hour long bus journey so I can get there for ten to try and avoid people seeing me running as yeah, ten o'clock is so early, mm? And then I'm going to a party later that day. I'm going to be exhausted. Argh.

But never mind, don't think of that Becky, think of the hugs he promised you and it should keep you smiling for long enough.